Dotted T's and Crossed I's

A Blog for You

2008-08-31T09:37:00.003-04:00

No matter what I do in this life, I will never forget you.

We've been going on for 8 years now, and I know this is only the beginning.

What is a man without someone he can come home to and confide in? A woman (or man--for those of who swing that way) who understands you when the rest of the world doesn't. When you are down and out, she will lift you up.

She knows what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. Never blaming you, but giving you the benefit of the doubt when you know you were wrong.

Knowing she shouldn't be with you, but knowing that without you, she wouldn't be.

It's the same for me.

Baby, this blog is for you, eternally.

Donny Hathaway - A Song for You

Dead Line

2008-08-10T07:30:00.006-04:00

I've always been a procrastinator.

In Kindergarten, I would be the last one to take a nap.

Now, in college, I wait to the last minute to turn in assignments.

If that deadline isn't within a day, I'm not thinking about it. And it's burned me more than once, evidenced by me having to take online courses to fulfill the credit requirements to graduate.

If that's not motivating enough, what is?

Yet still I find myself on the brink of elimination. Some deus ex machina figure keeps pulling me out of trouble, coming from the sky when I think all hope is lost and rescues me.

I fear I won't be scooped up this time.

Those who are dead, are not dead, they're just living in my head

2008-08-05T19:27:00.003-04:00

I remember you cousin Jackie. How can I forgot? I couldn't.

You were and will remain my favorite cousin.

When I was younger you used to call me your "boyfriend" and I was tickled (I still am to this day). I'll be whatever you want just to see you again. To see your smile beaming from ear to ear, full of exuberance and life.

Jackie you were a strong woman and even though your life was taken by the hands of a man, you remain strong, even in your demise.

At this very moment, I can feel your spirit touching me, comforting my disconcerted soul, telling me everything will be alright.

I know you're with God now. I will never forget you.

Jackie, you're my angel.

Everybody wants somebody to their own piece of clay

2008-07-23T15:48:00.003-04:00

Well it is true, isn't it.

People use people as a means to an end. It's just how it is and always will be.

But the manner in which someone uses another can have a great effect on not only the user, but the one being used.

I just finished reading "Native Son" by Richard Wright and the protagonist, Bigger Thomas, felt used by the superior white race. So much so that he did not think of himself as human.

When you use someone you devalue them and their self-worth. They start having thoughts of inferiority and nothingness. They are, but they aren't. They are just ghosts moving along in life.

Waiting to be clay to another kiln which will produce pottery so majestic and regal, yet so lifeless and moribund.

Be mindful of how you treat people.

Marvin Gaye - Piece of Clay

Demons are no joke.

2008-07-06T06:16:00.003-04:00

I have a demon. I mean demons.

They dwell inside of me. They make me do things that are not in accordance with the will of God.

At one time I believe I drove them out, but they came back. Stronger than the first time.

I have been able to control them to an extent, but they are ruining my life. I fear that I will be pushed to the brink, almost to the point of no return.

There's the money, shoes, arrogance, immature, pornography, and shy demon. I have been living with them for a while now. I just want them gone.

Adherence to the word of God and continual prayer is the only way to drive them out. I have been playing with God. Saying one thing and doing the other. I do want to stop. It is just very difficult.

I want to prove the devil a liar. I know Jesus died for me and I can't let that love be lost.

There's a jumpman back there--deal with it!

2008-07-03T09:44:00.002-04:00

What is a shoe?

Is it the sum of its parts, or the parts of the sum?

The Air Jordan III is my favorite shoe ever. The elephant print, tumbled leather, visible heel air, "nike air" lo...

The "Nike Air" logo was a mainstay on all Air Jordan III shoes pre-2001. But things have changed.

Now featured on the heel of the Air Jordan III is the jumpman insignia. An omnipresent sign of the times.

Jordan Brand may still be under Nike, but it is still its own brand. So wouldn't it make sense to feature the emblem that everyone recognizes the brand with?

Nostalgia can only take you so far.

What would you rather have, a "Nike Air" logo or no Jordan III at all?

A modern marvel in it's own rights not confined by it's parts, but embraced for it's sum.

Just because you wear kicks...

2008-06-30T12:42:00.003-04:00

Just because you wear kicks does not give you a right to anything.

You bought the kicks, not stock in the company.

Nike does not need your help. As awkward as it may seem, they have been doing this for a long time now. And have had a tremendous success without your input.

Jordan Brand may seem to be falling off and selling itself short, but that is to you. You are a microcosm of their consumers. So what if a shoe does not come out like you want it. Don't buy it.

I'm just tired of all the complaints from members who think they are entitled anything.

They're just shoes. Get over yourself.

Song of the day: Coldplay - Viva La Vida

http://www.zshare.net/audio/1446336972b980f6/

More than the present

2008-06-20T23:13:00.004-04:00

Damn I'm glad I got a job.

It's nothing big; just something to hold me over until school starts back up.

I'm tired of lying around my folks house doing nothing. It's so boring. There is nothing to do, and after that, I just sleep. College life was so much better--more frenetic, exciting, enjoyable, and bearable.

I swear if I look at these four walls one more time...

And what's worse is my mother is always yelling at my nephews. So I don't have to deal with that either.

I mean I don't mind helping out around the house, since I am living here rent free. I just need something to do.

I need to break the monotony.

Song of the day: Anthony Hamilton - Sailin' Away

http://www.zshare.net/audio/13958119ee198435/

My Last Chance

2008-06-16T08:51:00.004-04:00

Or is it?

I sincerely believe that my friend and I will marry and have kids in some grandiose house that fairytales are made of. But this is real life. And I like to think realistically.

Realistically, I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. I don't even know if there is a us. I do know that I want her, and she wants what she can't have, and I may or may not be that want, but I do look to satiate her every need.

But what can I do when she's faking and feinting with the ball in her hand? She's about as consistent as Kobe Bryant was in Game 5 of the NBA Finals last night. You just don't know what you're going to get from her.

I want to get the MVP--to show up in the big moments.

She's the Most Valuable Person to me. At times can she can the Most Vindictive, but I digress.

I don't want the clock to wind down and have her miss her coronation.

With the world against us, a team of two in love can overcome any defense.

There's no I in team.

Song of the day: Marvin Gaye - My Last Chance

http://www.zshare.net/audio/13701828e9cf5fea/

Every Woman is a Queen

2008-06-13T13:43:00.006-04:00

Yesterday at Six Flags, I observed something that left me stunned. A man putting his hand on a woman.

I don't mean holding her hand, hugging her, or saving her from some unfortunate event.

This guy had the nerve to beat this woman.

It all started when two girls were in line for funnel cake. The guy comes out of nowhere and busts in front of them. The vendor ignores this and goes onto fulfill the order of the two ladies. While the drink is being handed to the ladies, the guy has the nerve to knock it out of her hand. The vendor replaces the drink.

Next, the vendor hands the guy a funnel cake. One of the two ladies proceed to knock the funnel cake out of his hand. The guy reacts by "pieing" the funnel cake in the woman's face.
The girl punches the man in his face.

What happens next still shocks me.

The guy proceeds to punch the young lady, causing blood to fly everywhere. He doesn't stop here, but beats the woman until her friend jumps in. And then proceeds to beat her as well.

This goes on until security comes in.

The onus does not fall on security, bystanders, or the vendor, but the man. Somewhere he missed the memo that said women ought to be treated with the utmost respect, at all times, and under all situations.

At no time in a man's life, should he hit a woman.

Women should not be degraded to something less than what they are.

Every woman is a queen and are to be treated as such.

Song of the Day: Lauryn Hill & D'Angelo - Nothing Even Matters

http://www.zshare.net/audio/13569591c03dfb1b/

Stay

2008-06-10T22:11:00.004-04:00

I'm here to stay. Won't be going anywhere no time soon and you just have to deal with it.

I may bug you at times and get on your nerves, but that doesn't hide the fact that I love you. Want to be with you until my stay is up.

And even when I enter those pearly gates, you will stay on my mind. All I know is that where you go, I will follow. I can't be away from you too long. These three years have been a killer for me.

Not being able to see you has made me stay. When friends told me to leave, I stayed and prayed. This time without you has made me stay, when my heart and mind told me to go. They don't know.

About my soul.

Mate.

Song of the day: John Legend - Stay With You

http://www.zshare.net/audio/134328449b51015f/

Age Aint Nothin' But a Number

2008-06-08T23:22:00.006-04:00

Change.

I hate that word. I love my comfort zone.

I don't want to change what I'm doing now because to me it's right. To others, it may now seem right, but if it aint broke, don't fix it.

Well, it is broke. The first step is acceptance, right?

I want to treat others better; I want to work harder; I want to apply myself more; I want to be a better christian; I want....

No, I need. It's tough when you know what's best for you is also what's worst for you. But I want to be a better man, not boy. I want my mother to be proud of the man she raised. I don't want her to hope one day that her little boy grows up.

I think that is the biggest enemy of young men around the nation. They just don't grow up. Forever enamored with their youthful innocence, they miss the boat, and end up in a perpetual state of perplexion. Wondering, if what they are doing is right. Why the next man has everything he wants and more.

The next man is a man. You're just a boy.

I'm tired of being a boy.

Song of the day: Lil Wayne - Shoot Me Down

http://www.zshare.net/audio/133274491d2ac2f0/

Never Too Much

2008-06-06T22:22:00.005-04:00

Okay, I don't want this blog to only be about the ongoing struggle between me and my longtime love interest. I want it to be a multi-faceted catharsis of my daily ongoings. But right now I'm going through this, so here you have it.

So how much is too much? When is too much, enough? Is enough ever too much?

As the great Luther Vandross once said, "Never too much, Never too much"

That heartfelt lyric rings true today. I want to give every single last drop, but I'm left feeling like if I do give too much, it may come off wrong. If I let my heart lead me, will my attempts seem overdone?

This conundrum leaves me in a grey area in which I remain agnostic, and neither call too little nor too much--I don't call at all. So instead of giving too much, which I'm afraid of doing, I don't give anything.

I know I won't always have the answers, but if I'm true to myself, there can never be too much.

Song of the day: Luther Vandross - Never Too Much

http://www.zshare.net/audio/132366301f11a05e/

Unorthodox Love

2008-06-05T07:36:00.000-04:00

This is my blog. I've been thinking about doing one for a while now. And it's finally here. Well, let's get the ball rolling.

How typical it is to start a blog off with the complications with a love interest, and it's no different here. I've known this girl for about 10 years now and the relationship has been anything but typical. She gives off mixed signals and it doesn't help that she is in another state. We are not together, but I've been hooked on her for a minute. I don't feel she cares for me as much as I do her, but when we are on the phone her tone changes, she lightens up, and she gives me her attention. We've always had that connection, but I've done some things to her that I regret dearly. And I fear that this continues to linger on in her mind. After all, who--male or female--wants to get hurt again? So she protects herself, or so I think. I really don't know.

I haven't really asked her about it out of fear. I'm not scared of her or anything, but I don't want to mess up again, so I censor myself almost to a fault. I feel this has robbed me from giving her my all and showing her the person I am. I don't call when I feel I should, which can go on for weeks. I know I'm feeling her, but I don't know if she knows. I need to be more consistent.

She's my drug at the moment and damnit, I can't kick her. I get a natural high when I think or talk about her. Her control is out of my control. But like all drugs, it's not a two-way thing. Most of the time it's the drugee who comes out on the losing end.

I hope love isn't a losing game.

Song of the day: Raheem DeVaughn - Love Drug

http://www.zshare.net/audio/13154158db6428f5/