Unorthodox Love

This is my blog. I've been thinking about doing one for a while now. And it's finally here. Well, let's get the ball rolling.

How typical it is to start a blog off with the complications with a love interest, and it's no different here. I've known this girl for about 10 years now and the relationship has been anything but typical. She gives off mixed signals and it doesn't help that she is in another state. We are not together, but I've been hooked on her for a minute. I don't feel she cares for me as much as I do her, but when we are on the phone her tone changes, she lightens up, and she gives me her attention. We've always had that connection, but I've done some things to her that I regret dearly. And I fear that this continues to linger on in her mind. After all, who--male or female--wants to get hurt again? So she protects herself, or so I think. I really don't know.

I haven't really asked her about it out of fear. I'm not scared of her or anything, but I don't want to mess up again, so I censor myself almost to a fault. I feel this has robbed me from giving her my all and showing her the person I am. I don't call when I feel I should, which can go on for weeks. I know I'm feeling her, but I don't know if she knows. I need to be more consistent.

She's my drug at the moment and damnit, I can't kick her. I get a natural high when I think or talk about her. Her control is out of my control. But like all drugs, it's not a two-way thing. Most of the time it's the drugee who comes out on the losing end.

I hope love isn't a losing game.

Song of the day: Raheem DeVaughn - Love Drug

http://www.zshare.net/audio/13154158db6428f5/